Combining the wisdom of the African antelope and the blinding speed and sheer batting power of His Tibetan Holiness, the Dalai Impalas are a co-recreational softball team composed primarily of students from QERM, as well as integral teammates from School of Aquatic Fisheries Science (SAFS) and College of Forest Resources. (CFR)
They are a direct descendant of the mighty Sinister Muffins.
May 15, 2008
In a total team effort (well nearly total...Liz) that saw almost flawless defense and a relentless barrage of hits, the Dalai Impalas took down the defending champs who had won their previous 19 games. Building on the momentum of their first win of the season in the first round of the playoffs on Monday the Imps took the field with theretofore unseen intensity and emotion. Not even the Infrared Sox pre-game entrance from a fiery chasm of hell could alter the psyches of the focused Impalas. "Whatever. They may have devils beating drums and harpies screeching the praises of the Dark Lord when they arrive, but can they play?" said right fielder Laura Blume following the unholy display. The Sox put up a fierce fight, but crafty veteran right hander Amanda Kaare kept the Sox off balance at the plate. "The minions of Lucifer tend to be aggressive, so I worked my change up today" said Amanda following the game. Amanda's changeup induced half a dozen pop ups to third basemen Isaac Parsons who's speed and quickness dazzled even the blackest hearted Sox player. "Not bad for a mortal" Sox captain and pitcher Gwar O'Flaherty grudgingly grumbled in a post-game interview before bludgeoning to death and eating ESPN reporter Buster Olney who asked him about Isaac's defensive prowess. Isaac's play was matched only by second basewoman Libby Anderson's performance which included a game saving snow cone catch in shallow right field with the bases loaded and 2 outs with the Imps leading 6-3 in the 5th. Two other stellar defensive plays caused the Sox to roar in fury. In the top of the 4th right center fielder Kevin See tracked a 450 foot blast by Sox cleanup hitter Leviathan and in the top of the 3rd shortstop Derek McClure and first baseman Tommy Garrison executed a perfect run down on Gwar.
The Imp's offense was equally impressive with a balanced attack that saw 7 different players drive in runs. James Freund, Libby, Derek, Tommy, Kevin, and Isaac all had multiple hits. The assault on the Sox began in the bottom of the first with 4 runs as the Imps nearly batted through the order. "Our offense was like Holy Water to those followers of darkness. It was a lot of fun, kinda like an exorcism!" Imps catcher Amber Parsons exclaimed after the game while passing out taffy that looked suspiciously like hummus (this reporter will testify that it tasted great!). The Imps built a lead of 6-0 in the bottom of the 3rd with characteristic smart situational hitting with an RBI double by Kevin and an RBI ground out by Derek. After seeing their lead slashed to 6-3 the Impalas scored 1 run in the 5th and 3 runs in the 6th to build the lead to 10-3 going into the last inning. The Sox were good for one more desperate attack, but after a 2-out 2 run single by Ares fielded athletically by the right field defensive replacement Chloe Bracis, Amanda induced a popout that ended the game. "I was like, don't hit the ball to me! But they did!" said Chloe excitedly after the game with a mouthful of taffy. "Oh yeah, just a heads up Chloe WAH tomorrow" she further commented much to this reporter's confusion.
With the Imps 10-5 victory over the legions of Hades they advance to the IMA playoff semifinals on Monday, May 19th, against a yet unknown opponent on Field 3 at 6 pm.
Dalai Impalas at Swing 'n' Stance
Imps at Swing 'n' Stance - April 7, 2008
The Dalai Impalas long road to the Co-rec Softball Intramural Championships kicked off on a stormy and dreary Monday evening this week. The Impalas faced a formidable team, Swing 'n Stance who came ready to play. As 2nd base (wo)man Liz Atwood said, "It was intimidating that they all had black paint on their faces." However, the Impalas showed no sign of intimidation from the start of the game, scoring four runs in the first inning. These four runs in addition to dazzling athletic displays from Kevin See in center field and consistent pitching from Amanda Kaare helped the Impalas earn a tie score of 5-5 against the Stance by the 6th inning at which time the umpire called the game due to the hour and five minute time limit. According to left fielder Tommy Garrison, "we would have no doubt won the game if the umpire let us keep playing. Come on ump, let us play!" he said frustratingly after the game. Nonetheless, the Impalas start off the season just where they want to be, not with a losing record and a small step closer to the main event. The Impalas play each Monday evening at 6 pm on IMA softball field 3. Come check out the action!
Dalai Impalas Blow Late Lead, but is Given Win Because of Captain's "Coolness"
Imps at Discipline and Punishme - April 28, 2008
After a three week hiatus the Dalai Impalas were back in action Monday evening against the heavy underdog Discipline and Punishme, who was severely disappointed on hearing the Impalas did not bring any S & M gear. The game was a defensive struggle after the Impalas jumped out to a 2-0 lead in the first inning on RBI singles by Derek McClure and Isaac Parsons. They added a third run in the second inning...somehow. After D & P was given a third inning mercy run when left-center fielder Libby Anderson failed to heed the safety word the Lama's lead was cut to 3-1. The score remained 3-1 for three more innings behind dazzling defensive plays and marquee pitching by both teams. Right fielder Amy Yahnke, making her Impalas debut, was particularly impressed by the defense judging from her post-game comments "I like playing right field because I can watch the birds" and "At one point I was cleaning up dog poo." Impala's ace Amanda Kaare pounded the strike zone and let her defense do it's job which included two double plays. "That double play started by Isaac was kinda lame, but the one by Derek...perfect execution" said Amanda after the game. Unfortunately the Impalas luck ran out in the seventh (the last inning) when D & P tore off their leather and chokers and revealed uniforms complete with stirrups. They promptly scored 3 runs and shut the potent Impala offense down in the bottom of the inning for the 4-3 victory. "Yeah, in the seventh we like to use the flail" said one D & P player this reporter was ordered to call Sir. The Impalas were dejected until the umpire gave the game to the Impalas because of the team captain's overwhelming "coolness". This reporter thinks free stat tutoring for life offered to the umpire may have had an affect on the decision.
Selective Pressure, Aided by Incompetent Umpire, Rout Impalas
Imps at Selective Pressure - April 30, 2008
The Dalai Impalas took the field against the vaunted team from Biology, Selective Pressure, in a makeup of a rained out game from April 14. The tone was set early when Selective Pressure jumped out to a 5-0 lead after the first inning. It only got worse for the Impalas on their way to a 14-1 loss by mercy rule. Selective Pressure, though somewhat talented, was assisted by terrible umpiring and Oakland A’s type patience. “It’s not in the spirit of the game” said Impala’s left fielder James Freund as Selective Pressure batters watched strike after strike be called a ball. All wondered how the umpire could be so terrible until Impalas center fielder Kevin See exclaimed “Hey umpire! If you had one more eye you’d be a Cyclops!” Indeed, the umpire had no eyes. The game got ugly in a couple instances resulting in near fisticuffs. In the second inning outfielder Tommy Garrison beaned an S.P. runner trying to score and shouted “Bring it on old man!!” as the 63 year old Alan Holbert hobbled back to the dugout. Tommy had to be restrained. “We lost, but at least I got to hit somebody” Tommy said after the game. The second near altercation occurred in the third inning when Impalas right fielder, Li Ting, threw the bat at S. P. catcher Holly Rosendale after grounding out. Holly was knocked unconscious and hospitalized. She’s in stable condition at Harbor View Medical Hospital. “She deserved it. Swing the bat already!!” Ting said after the incident.
Hot for Teacher (HFT) nips Imps in Epic Battle
Imps at Hot for Teacher - May 5, 2008
As the sun shattered through the clouds Monday evening, so were the Imps delivered from their 3 game slump of darkness and underperformance, but HFT was equal to the task. HFT drew first blood in the top of the first with two runs off a double by Gaylord Windlestat, but the Imps picked up the gantlet on singles by the Warlord, Derek the Disembowler, and Satan's mistress, Libby. The middle of the bout was characterized by the Imps' impenetrable defense, attaining its apex when 2nd base woman, Liz the Orcslayer caught a pop fly. "That ball went really high, I mean realllllly high. And I caught it", said the Orcslayer after the game. The battle raged on without mercy until HFT's offense came supercharged like a freight train from hell in the 4th inning. The situation quickly became mildly unmanagable when the Imps once impenetrable defense gave up 1,2,3,... 15 runs. The scene was reminiscent of Rome being ransacked by the Visigoths.
The final score was 18-3.
The Imps will start training for the ultimate battle, the playoffs. Gord of the Rogue, Tommy looks forward to the challenge. "The playoffs is where we separate the winners from the losers, the weak from the strong, the almighty from the meek оf heart. We are the chosen team and we shall arise from this darkness. And on this day, everyone from the minions to the shamans to the defeated warriors shall join in the chorus of the land 'Imps, Imps, Imps,. . . '"
Check back for playoff dates and times. (TBA)
Who Advances in the first round? IMPS, IMPS, IMPS!
Imps at 1st % Tile - May 12, 2008
Rallying mightily behind hot bats and crisp defense, the Imps won the first game of the regular and post-season on Monday night when it counted most: advancing into the second round of the IMA Olympic Division playoffs against 1st% Tile. The offense exploded in the first inning, scoring five runs capped off by Tommy Garrison's inside the park two-run homer. Garrison said after the game, "You really have to run a lot when you hit a home run. I plan on focusing on my singles next game." Garrison joined Derek McClure and Kevin See in a barrage of hits, each having four apiece. Not only was the offense running like a well oiled machine, but the defense was impeccable. For the first time this season, the Imps committed no errors in 7 hard fought innings. The defense was anchored by solid play in left field from James Freund, catching deep fly balls and gunning down runners. "I do what I can" said James after the game. "On a scale from 1 to 10, I would say I played pretty good." The Imps celebrated the victory with a raucous freak show highlighted by Amber Parsons cartwheeling around the diamond. Amber declined to comment on the episode, due to her disorientated state of mind. The final score was 13-4. The Imps will take the field against the InfraRed Sox Thursday at 6pm IMA field 3.